|this is a great library|
|this is empowering|
I want to make my own film but that is scary and something you have to commit to. It's also not easy putting myself out there. Even this little ole blog gets me in trouble from time to time. Blogging/writing has been a fun outlet for me to just put shit out to the universe. I just have a lot of feelings (mean girls reference) and a lot of sharing to do! It's definitely the same reason I want to make a film about birth / what happens after birth from a Canadian perspective. Recently, I did my very own video collaboration (sans Matt) with a local poet. I surprised myself with how in control of the situation I was and how comfortable directing her became once I was on my own. I love Matt and his work and I think he's great at what he does, but when I'm working with him, I defer to him by default. It's my own insecurities that lead me down that road, so working on my own was empowering and refreshing. I made a million mistakes and I had some help along the way but I'm proud that I did it. I'm especially proud that I eeked it out with a newborn and a toddler in the background.
So while I keep trying to create and try new things, I keep running into the same problem. My crazy, wonderful, ambitious ideas/projects/dreams VS the reality of my life. We're super fortunate that art runs through our business and it is what we like to do, but, it's both becoming increasingly easy and at the exact same time difficult to accomplish. Kinda like parenting a toddler. In the same moment it's absolute shit and heart melting adorableness. I want to make a film, but I'm not sure that it fits in with my other commitments.
But, when I see other women, like Margaret, doing her thang and making people think about the world around them, I'm inspired. I should just friggen do it! Strike a balance between art and making our lives not so crazy. It's possible! Ok, I've got the gumption - now I need to find the money. Oh the life of an artist!