As a working mama...

Just over two years ago, Love and Anchor was born. Shortly there after, we had Rowan. Now, two years later we're living in a different province with a growing business + I've started working PT as a photographer outside of the biz and Matt has started his PhD. I am now a working mama outside the home.

Life is insane.  It's very busy and full of intense decisions we're making on a daily basis. There are so many new things have come into our lives. We've been looking at buying a house, but have decided to rent for longer (scouting for a new place that will support our lifestyle and our needs). Finances have been all over the map. We're trying to clean up and tidying up the business side of the business as we're finally done wedding season. We're getting really involved in our community and passionate about our hobbies. I've met an amazing group of women who are the most supportive people ever and are babywearers! I facebook chat or talk with them daily and it is a relief to work things out with them. They've fed us when we've been sick, recommended countless solutions to our crazy life problems and have provided me with many a giggle.

Rowan is in Montessori school 3 days a week and Elsa has been home with Matt while I work as well as at work with me which is what I wanted to share most about. While I am IN LOVE with how supportive my employer is - it really is the PERFECT place to bring your bebe to work, it's really not ideal that she's at work with me. Physically for both of us, it's not a good idea for her to be with me while I'm trying to photograph a client. I photographed the TINIEST newborn today and I can't imagine hearing Elsa crying in the background or her crawling on over and poking the tiny baby in her tiny eyes.

And yes. She's crawling.

Super freak! Super freaky!

If I'm truthful with myself, it is a hindrance to my performance to be half doing my job while I'm trying to care for her. The whole reason why she's there, other than the fact that I can take the pressure off of Matt and give him more PhD days, is that I've been battling the pump. It is the devil I tell you! For me anyways. It's another one of those parenting moments I seem to keep having these days.  I gave it a good go and tried everything that was suggested and researched, but I just can't do it. I can't pump. It's so stressful and it's adding nothing but shit to our lives. It's shit when I try to pump and it's shit that I'm not yielding enough regardless of my awesome supply to get through 4 days of work.

The guilt that comes with having good supply and not pumping and .... wait for it... choosing formula .... is intense! But it is the choice we're making. I'm both excited to share it and loathed all at the same time. We'll be supplementing with formula when I'm at work and breastfeeding as much as we can the rest of the time. I am definitely a breast is best kinda gal but am excited to experience bottle feeding my child at 6 months after being exclusively breastfed (up until 5 months). I feel like it will open up a whole new series of emotions and experiences that I can bring to my own life but also relate to the life of my clients. I've been learning that formula feeding is not the devil and it can actually be pretty great. 

Today was her first day with Matt using formula. He said it went really well. Near the end she wanted the boobies and she got them. She came to work with me for the last bit of the day and got her mama milk which I think is fair for a first day! We're going to order formula online from the UK. I'm actually excited. It's organic and goat and comes highly recommended. The UK seems to have awesome guidelines on what you can put in baby food.

You can also make your own formula which I had no idea was a thing. It's also pretty exciting, I just don't have the time to do it and we really need something reliable right now.  If things calm down I'd consider it for sure.

For now, we're just doing our thing, surviving the only way we know how. We try to keep it positive when things get crazy and work through it when we can't see the positive anymore.

I'm really happy to be back at work. It's surprised me how well I'm dealing with it. I thought I'd really miss being away from home but I love that Rowan gets to go to school and I love that Elsa gets time with her Papa. It's a win win for all.



Today was my birthday. 29. 29 years o' age.

Wow. I need to process that.

So much is happening right now that life is an emotional roller coaster. I'm high on creativity and dreams of success and uber happiness and the come crashing down with G force to stress city. There's no time to think. Just do. I think I've gained 10-15 lbs in stress and road trip weight. Matt's started his PhD (did I mention stress) and Rowan has started school. Mae-mae up there is 16lbs now and almost crawling. I'm starting a new job as a photographer for a maternity studio and investing in a new blog venture.

I'm seeking balance and unfortunately that means letting some things go. I've been absent from this space in order to make room to run my business and not loose my mind. It's been hard because I miss you and I miss getting everything out in to the blogging world, but it was really helpful. During this time away I've reevaluated and challenged myself to consider what I'm writing about and why I'm writing. I felt stuck. I felt stalled. So I've decided Mama Haze will be coming to a close in order to make room for a bigger project, one I can grow with and build community with, which has always been my goal with blogging whether I knew it or not. I'll be checking in here every once and while and finishing out in December. In January, I'll be launching a new project called N O U R I S H (working title) with a dear friend. I'm hoping to be behind the scenes in the beginning, but I'm already getting excited and creating content. Are you surprised? ANyway, it's going to be really great and I hope you'll move with me to that new space. Thank you for sticking it out with me here and I look forward to finishing out Mama Haze with you. It's been a really important and special place for me to grow and for that I am so grateful.


Be good to me September

googled happy september
It's been a while since I last chatted. This summer has been busy and sunny and full. I am a bit of a stress ball at the moment with tons of stuff on the go, but still overall happy and enjoying this crazy life.This is my busiest month of the entire year so bear with me. I just really hope September is good to me.

There are a few big announcements and changes coming. Stay tuned. 


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