There's so much to say, yet I can't find the words. I don't know how time has passed so quickly. I wanted to say goodbye. A proper goodbye. To Halifax and to friends. To tell them how much they mean(t) to us and how we consider them our family. We developed a community of awesome individuals and now they're so far away, and we didn't tell them how much they meant. It's hard. Time just moves so fast and everything needs to happen right away or else!....
I find myself already accustomed to our new life here in Peterborough, ON. Are we totally unpacked? Non. Does any of it make sense? Not really. But the rhythm of our day has come together out of necessity. Sometimes Rowan sleeps soundly, just waking around 6 am. Other nights it's 4 or even 5 times of going in to soothe him. He's learning to soothe himself. He stirs and gets up on all fours then lays back down, whining. Repeats until he falls asleep. The playpen helps and it leaves me feeling conflicted over all the work and effort we put into his montessori style bed. We're not sure if we'll return. He wakes and we wake. There's crying and bum rashes to gently wipe around and let a wild naked bottom run free for some air. There's breakfast and packing of lunch and running through of the day, before I drag my bike out of the side door which doesn't open all the way. It's awkward, but that's just me.
Off I go.
I cycle to work. I'm one of those people now. On a path through town which reminds me of why I both love and am cautious of this town. It's like a combination of Halifax and Dartmouth, but no ocean. The people of Dartmouth, and the quaintness of Halifax rolled into one town. I work in a social justice /art based organization and our office is located inside an environmental organization. It's pretty amazing.
Getting back into the swing of things was effortless. Leaving my baby, everyday, not as easy, but easier than expected.
He walked! For the first time yesterday. He took steps, several of them, back and forth between us. We cheered, ok, I cheered, so loudly and he was so proud. He gets this sense of urgency when he's proud of what he's done and his feet almost lift off the floor, kicking back and forth in fast and tiny spurts as he tries again. So proud.
He's nearly one. ONE! The day of his birth is on the horizon and I find myself lost in the world of getting settled in to pay it enough attention. A small, family gathering has been planned but I feel like I'm cheating him. Mother's guilt. I want(ed) it to be pinterest worthy and themed out but we're throwing it together. Sigh. I barely have a present for him as finances are un.... stable? unknown? It's sketchy.
We're adjusting. We're settling.
I was a passenger in a car driving just outside of the city limits and felt so at ease. I loved Halifax. I loved being by the ocean. There's nothing like it. But you know what, there's nothing like the rolling hills, a hearty deciduous forests, the smell of a rainstorm coming in, the changing colours of the leaves all around me now that it's fall. I just feel a sense of home. I can't quite figure it out, but I'm breathing easier.